im still learnin so please try to help me out..
leave sum feedbak if u can..
much appreciated :)
DER R SO MANY UPS N DOWNS IN LYF
COZ WASTEMANZ R WALKIN AROUND WID DA KNYF
KEEPIN HAT N HOODIES UP, N CAPS ON DA LOW
SHANKIN INNOCENT MANDEM DAT DNT GO WID DA FLOW
NOWADAYS U C ITS ALL ABOUT DA STREET LYF
THREATENIN PARENTS WID DER OWN KITCHEN KNYF
SNEEKIN OUT OF DA DOOR, KEEPIN IT ON DA LOW
GOIN CLUBBIN DANCIN 2DA BEAT WID FLOW
COMIN HOME BUZZD AFTA SMOKIN A JOINT
WASETIN PRECIOUS TYM OF LYF, WOT IS DA POINT
NEVA KNOW DIS MYT B DA LAST TYM U GET A HIGH
NEVA KNO ABOUT DA TYM WEN U GNA DIE !!
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST TYM U EVA DRINK
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST GYAL U EVA LINK
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST TYM U EVA BLINK
SO SIT DOWN FOR 5MINS N HAV A LITTLE THINK
COZ UR PARENTS R SITTIN @ HOME QUIET WORRIED
N U'LL REALIZE DA PAIN ON DA DAY WEN DER BURRIED
SO DNT U TINK ITS ABOUT TYM U START 2 CHANGE
IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK 4? IS IT OUT OF DA RANGE?
Flow Wise = Dope
Content= Real Life Shit = Dope
Length= Nice Length, you should continue with this it'd be a dope track.
My Advice is try not to use knife alot. It sounds prissy and makes ur track sound crap as you appear to only be rhyming one thing.
my advice for you next time is talk about your real life shit but instead of using, CAT/MAT/BAT... Try going off sounds for example you can put a totally random line in there with the 'ess' sound in and then 'ahh' in the next but in the middle of the 'aah' have an 'ess' rhyme or sound inside then rhyme the 'ahh'...
i'll show you...
E= Ess
A= Ahh
E E E E E E E
A A A EA A A A
Text text text A
try it out makes you sound a much doper lyricist and gives you room to just go off in a skat like in blues... type skat in on google or youtube if you dont know what that is...
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST TYM U EVA DRINK
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST GYAL U EVA LINK
NEVA KNO DIS MYT B DA LAST TYM U EVA BLINK
SO SIT DOWN FOR 5MINS N HAV A LITTLE THINK
This wrks best coz its a change from the majority tempo, it breaks it up nicely n mkes ur drops mre interesting. Dnt do it 2 often tho or it can ruin ur bars- not tht tht can be said ere tho (y)
Definately improving mate, keep it up ye.